Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Not just a mom

I did something I haven't done in years yesterday---looked at job postings. It is more than a little weird to be looking after being at home for 5 1/2 years. Some days I feel that being a stay at home mom is all I know. Not true but it feels that way.  At this point I am actually jealous of my husband that he gets to go to work five days a week. He tells me about going to lunch with co-workers in downtown Indy, an upcoming 'day at the track' for the Indy 500, projects he is proud of, stories about what goes on at work. Yes, that makes me jealous. As I have said before- I love my daughter more than anything in the world and have cherished every day I have spent at home with her, but the time has come to have 'my time'. I miss deadlines, adult conversation, lunch with co-workers, having a set schedule, making money, etc. 

It's not all roses and I know that. Some days you just want to throw the alarm clock against the wall, you may have a boss that is a complete ass on a power trip (I've had plenty of those) and you feel you miss out on more of your kids lives. In the great debate of stay at home moms versus working moms--I don't believe there is a right answer. Every parent is different and all kids are different. I know I have the most important job in the world by being a stay at home mom and call me what you will, but not bringing home a paycheck really bums me out.

I am truly excited for this next chapter in life. Believe it or not I think it is great for my daughter as well. The other day she told me that when she grows up she wants to be a mommy. I told her that was great and I asked her what else she wanted to be when she grew up. She explained that she just wanted to be mommy because that's all I am.  I carefully explained to her that she could be a mommy AND have a career/job. She seemed a little confused by this because all she sees me as is a mommy and nothing else.  We actually got into a conversation about how mommy went to college, got a degree and had a job before she was born.  I also explained to her what else I "do" in terms of my career and hobbies and that I plan to go back to them someday when I don't have to be home all day. I was pleasantly surprised when she then asked me if someday soon we could go see daddy's college and mommy's college. So, in going back to work I really feel I can set a great example for my daughter because I want her to grow up to be independent and able to take care of herself. I also want her to know she can have an identity other than just 'mommy' in the future.

This new journey is not just a reawakening for me but a realization for my daughter as well.

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