I have always believed in faith and hope but more recent health issues somewhat related to Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome are probably about to put a nail in the coffin. This transition is real, present, and long.
I can say that over that last four years I have been in the transition going through various stages. In the beginning I could not handle any pregnancy announcements (which no one seemed to understand but that is rant I will not go into here). I'd call this the "Leave Me The Hell Alone" stage. In those early years I found it so hard to even look at a baby. I kept all of our daughter's baby items and refused...REFUSED...to get rid of anything. Last year I finally condensed everything down and kept a tiny little box of memorabilia.
Last week, after seeing that screaming child in the store I realized I am in the last stages of this transition. That was confirmed when my daughter and I went to the library and parked behind a minivan. A mom was getting her four kids out of the car and prepared to go into the library. Yes, prepared. It was quite a task. She was getting the baby set into the stroller, a girl around age two was running away from the car, and two boys between four and six years old were crying hysterically. The mom seriously looked like she was going to lose it. Again, good for her in this stage in life and I know her kids are not always crying but I mumbled to myself, "No way...no thank...goodbye....and goodnight." Simply put--I am loving our little family the way it is right now. My daughter is at the age where she can help out around the house, do things for herself, and have a real conversation with me. It is beautiful and serene. My husband and I have more time for us and I can now focus on what I want to do with my career and future.
|I will cherish that I have taken probably thousands of pictures of our one and only|
The unexpected side of this transition is that it includes my daughter. She, too, has to make the transition. For years she has drawn pictures of me with a baby in my belly, told me she asks God for a brother or sister, and has even refused to let me get rid of a few things because she says they are for her sibling. This is as much a long process for her as it is for me.
My intention is not to be Debbie Downer. No. This transition is actually a really hopeful and happy path. Our lives are going in a great direction right now despite this emotional roller coaster. This post also proves that tomorrow is a new day and you never know what will happen or what will change. Live for the day.